Why, my Dad...

On Wednesday 10th November my life changed forever. The strongest man in my life had passed away, my Dad. No one can prepare you for the death of someone so precious. I wanted to tell my story, the story that changed my life forever.

It was a regular Wednesday morning, I got up at 7am and got ready for work, It felt like a normal day. At lunch time I got a number of missed calls from my mum and I just sensed there was something wrong. I tried calling her back but got no answer, I immediately left work and drove to my parents house. As I arrived I saw a ambulance and a paramedic car outside and I just knew. When I entered the house I found my mum in the hallway with the paramedics and I just bursted into tears. I held my mum so tightly whilst she said, “I tried my best.” It was then I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces.

When I entered the living room, I found my dad on the floor. The paramedics had told me he passed away in his sleep. I started shouting at him, “Come on dad, time to get up now”, but I didn't get a response. I broke down in my mum's arms saying to her over and over again,“he's not coming back.” My mum didn't know what to do or what to say.

No one can prepare you for that moment, the moment when you realise you will never get to see them again. The days after I found myself crying myself to sleep reliving that moment over and over again in my head. I wanted to talk but I couldn't, I was numb.

The funeral was on Monday 20th December, I have never been to a funeral before so I didn't know what to expect. It was the toughest day of my life knowing he is being laid to rest and I will never see his beautiful smile ever again. The morning leading up to the funeral just felt weird, I had no emotion and no words to say. Then the emotions came flooding in when I saw the hearse and cars outside. My heart was empty and I couldn't stop crying. I never spoke at the funeral, I just couldn't.

Five days after the funeral it was Christmas day, which was the weirdest day ever. My dad wasn't a Christmas person but you can feel someone was missing. To this day I still get times where I cry myself to sleep and was have dreams of reliving the day. Grief is hard but it will become easier.

My dad, my hero.